Now, I'm not one to say I have anxiety or depression because I know I don't. But I don't deny that I am a very anxious person from time to time and sometimes that side of me can really effect me mentally and physically. I guess, others would argue that I do have anxiety but in my defence, I don't feel like I need to put a label on it as I just think I can feel more anxious at times depending on the situation. Recently, my head has not been in the best of places. I think this could be down to multiple reasons but my main concern is towards university. Uni has gotten me down and feeling quite anxious a lot recently, to the point where I can honestly say I don't really want to be there anymore. It pains me to admit this but it's true. The idea of going back to Chester in September is so incredibly daunting but I know I have to do it. I've almost finished my course, with only one more year to do and once it's done, it's done.

I guess today's post is going to be quite rambly but to be honest I'm quite happy that it is. When I look over the last couple of posts I uploaded, as much as I love them, I felt they were pretty boring. I don't want my blog posts to get boring so I'm hoping that if I share a few more honest blog posts it will make my blog seem a little more real. I also wanted to write this post as I have been haunted with these upsetting thoughts about uni and about how I have been feeling for quite some time now and think it's best if I let out all my feelings in to a blog post; be honest with you.

Something else that has been getting me down is that I have been feeling quite lonely. Which sounds crazy but even when I'm surrounded by wonderful friends, a cloud of invisibilty washes over me, making me feel lonely when in actual fact I'm surrounded by friends and family. I don't know why I feel like this sometimes but every now and then, I just feel so dull and it washes over me again. However, before I went to Egypt I auditioned for a musical with my old AM DRAM Society and I am so happy I did this. I may only have a small role but it's something to keep me occupied, allows me to make more friends and I get to do something that I really, really enjoy.
I'm hoping this summer I will get back on my feet again and hopefully I will feel a tad more confident when it comes to heading back to university. I have so much to look forward to this year; going to Disney World, volunteering at my favourite zoo, working at my favourite zoo and performing in Priscilla. It feels good, venting out to you all as I'm sure there will be a few of you that understand how I feel. I definitely want to keep you all in the loop when it comes to how I'm feeling and doing as it helps me move on from feeling upset and down. This small little post has already helped massivly.

I think I will leave this post here. I don't really know what else to say other than to thank you for your paitence when it came to me having a month break from blogging. So thank you so much.

Until next time,

Tabitha xx
It's pretty obvious that I haven't been 100% responsive when it comes to my blog. I'll be honest when I say life has been a bit of a hurdle over the past 2 months. University being the biggest hurdle. I have come to the conclusion that university is HARD. I have loved university but I have also hated and at the moment I'm closer to hating it than loving it. The assignments have been challenging (one being a 4000 word essay on population dynamics and conservation = a lot of maths and a lot of screaming at Rstudio!) and so my blog has been neglected which I'm so upset about. I thought I was on a role with posting twice a week regulary as well as efficiently communicating with other wonderful bloggers in the community. However, I plan on getting back on track seeing as I now have 18 weeks off but firstly, I would like to tell you where I have been over the last 2 weeks.

If you follow me on my instagrams (@tabitha_beckett // @pocoloco_tabitha) then you would probably have noticed the few holiday-esque photographs. I have been in Marsa Alam, Egypt taking part in a marine animal behaviour/marine conservation experiential learning trip - what a mouthful! Where I have been aiding in the conservation records on the coast of the Red Sea as well as collecting my dissertation data. I have never been to Egypt before and for a first trip it has been stunning. The weather has been gorgeous and the marine wildlife has not been a disappointment. I have loved snorkelling everyday and watching the orange-spine unicorn fish swim around and below me. It really has been an experience.
I won't lie when I say that these past two weeks have been difficult because they have. At the start of the week I was in tears saying that I didn't want to be in education anymore and this trip isn't what I need right now (which is still true) but I took this opportunity and made the most out of it as I could. I'm glad I did this as now I can say that I have seen some gorgeous wildlife which I hope my photos give you a little idea of how wonderful it really was. To surgeon fishes to HUGE sea turtles, it was beautiful. I'm also glad that I managed to collect all my data for my dissertation and now I have a clear understanding of what I'm doing which I'm so relieved about as now I don't need to panic when I start third year.

Even though the stress that this trip to Egypt brough (learning multiple fish ID's, learning coral ID's and working on my dissertaion) the sun and relaxing side to it was definitely needed. It allowed me to reflect on my time at university (second year) and think about what I actually want in my life. I feel like I have finally started on working towards my journey in working in the animal industry by volunteering and working at Colchester Zoo and if I'm lucky it could open a pathway for me to becoming a keeper - fingers crossed. To think I could reach one of my goals to become a keeper in the next 3 years is mind blowing, I never thought I would actually make it and I actually might! I will definitely keep you in the loop when it comes to this journey as it's such an exciting one!
I think I will leave today's post here. I really hope that I up my game when it comes to my blog posts and involvement in the blogging community. I have a few posts lined up and I plan to get most of my blog posts written and scheduled a couple of weeks prior as I hate not having a post planned for the week!

Until next time,

Tabitha xx